A Word About Jayne

To behold my friend Jayne is to behold a work of art in living form. I have known her for more years than either of us will willingly recall, but I am the only one of us who ever seems to age. Time, like so much to her, is something you stand up to and face, and let no one doubt that Jayne has thusfar won the battle. Physically, she is one of the most remarkable creatures God did ever assemble. She comes with impossible curves and an aesthetic that is deadly profane and awesomely beautiful--and that's fully clothed. Naked, she would have caused Reubens to piss himself.

And in case you might be wondering, yes, she is a real girl. There have been some who have doubted, but I have inspected all her parts, quite literally, and everything is where it should be; in some cases, to excess. I have never understood the confusion and believe it is because when Jayne wants something, Jayne gets that something. Unfortunately, some in our culture still hold on to old ideas that never really applied. So, let it be known far and wide that Jayne may have huge cahonas but she's never worn balls.

More than a friend, she is to me an icon and a touchstone. After all of these years, in fact, she is almost like a sister--a sister that you nibble and kiss from time to time. She is strong, sexy and more than a bit of a revolutionary and I have I always been in awe of her presence. She makes me smile always and inspires me to be the most creative person I can, a thing for which I have never thanked her. Jayne is a girl who loves beautiful things and beautiful people and is always in the company of both. Luckily for those who know her, she has little time to waste on the more mundane things of the world and offers no pretentions to desire them. She is a person out of time, recalling Berlin at the dawn of the 20th century or Paris in age of decadence. Glorious, and somewhat hallowed in mine eyes, she is an undoubted vixen and my love and respect for her will never wane.

I grew up with Jayne in my life. Not literally, of course, but I recall, plainly, her presence in many of the steps I took toward fashioning the man I am today. We have laughed and laughed some more. I do not recall any tears, however, mainly because I think we both prefer to shed them away from the prying eyes of others. I miss her greatly today and I hope that someday, before I am too old and haggard for her to want share her time with me, that we will get to snuggle and snicker in the way we always did.

Though we have not seen each other in a lifetime now, I will always count her a part of my life. There are many memories full of incidents and allegations of the most unholy kind and I treasure every one. Not to mention the fact that, if, as my lengendary anecdote contends, she did not give me the first blowjob I ever had, then she certainly gave me the first memorable blowjob I ever had (said blowjob being masterfully, um, delivered (?) in one of the darker stalls at an old Chicago club called Cairo). I stand and bow deeply before you Jayne. You are my friend, my muse, and on more than one occasion, you have been my cohort. I love you.

(This originally appeared on my MySpace page last year, but I am too lazy to write anything today and Jayne always deserves props...)